The sky chokes on black water thick and heavy
A single unborn raindrop is waiting to break the levy yo
I’m strapped in, ride alone, silent in procession
Towers rise, anxious mind revs with the engine
And the highway pitches forward odometer needle deep in the red
Another clock trying to cheat me again
Then 100 megawatts on the horizon burn cold
Venus rising daylight bleeding out I’m going home

Memory leaking leaving stains on the pavement
Slow deep breathing is just pressure on my patience
Keys heavy in my hand the safe house is compromised
Hot adrenaline spills from my subconscious mind
It’s playing tricks on me, load and dump the clip on me
To break the grip that’s trying to hold sleep and appetite
I hit the cabinet hoping melatonin ibuprofen
Both empty notions to a cut that never cauterize
Fuck it, I do better with placebos
Ginger ale, cough syrup brain curled fetal
Trying to vent the pressure before the force turn lethal
So I fortify my walls just hoping that I’m equal to the task
Of staying balanced don’t think it will last
When the pressure from my roof is coming down on my back
Because the rent is going up, but my wages still frozen
And my safety has been ilusion since before my diagnosis

Alone close the door and kick my shoes out from under me
Hungry ghosts clawing at the walls that keep me company
The only creatures that I know that don’t try to run from me
You can call it cabin fever I just think it’s humbling.
Shrinking in my chair I drink tea made with lacquer
Then start to mummify above the long fallow pastures
Always half awake, always scrambling for answers.
Withered by the drought and the natural disasters
The unwilling ascetic living off roots, seeds and medications
Dehydrated skin stretched and marked with lacerations
Stomach empty ‘cept for pills in deep contemplation
Attached to his self can’t escape I’m a
Bloodshot insomniac as I drive onto the highway
Every time a car pass I wonder if I die today
Every day repeat the ritual I can’t break the rhythm
Chasing sleep around the clock trying to run from my symptoms

Yeah to hell with this existence
Tree with dead roots still persisting
Yet crippled by the cancerous condition
Choice already made, no escape from the prison
I can be replaced in an instant
Because diploma or the job or the lease don’t make you safe
Those are comforts not armor I don’t see them as the same
You think a roof can catch a bomb? It can barely stop the rain
You think a ballot slows a famine it just burned up in the flames

So I learned a sense of urgency and set a frantic pace
Because I need to find an answer to this irrational pain
Like the sand in an hourglass resolve falls away
And I’m running out of answers growing more afraid to fail
I don’t want to catch myself with blood pouring off my hands
Wishing that I actually told my ex how proud of her I am
Think of all the damage I could do in a momentary lapse
I discard the facets of myself then can’t get them back
In fact, more than half the time I feel the man’s already gone
And the person that remains here is just a shadow in the dawn
It’s taken almost all I have to write my story into song
While the only purpose in my life is outliving my mom
I’m not sure where I went wrong, I only did what felt safe
And my every effort was in thankless service to my brain
It haunts me every moment, every minute, every day
The ever-present gnawing urge to open up my fucking veins

The wolf of Ragnarok is slowly chewing through its chains
Pillars of fire rise, crops fail the corn dies
Streets deserted cities foreclosing
Starvation and exposure both are game over
The tides are pulling all the soil into the deep
I seen the image turning over medicated dreams
That lurk behind alarms and the repeated daily scene
Permeated by futility that’s deeper than fatigue