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Catabolysis

from Past The Walls Of Memory by Ueda Kurou

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about

This is a song about losing strength and muscle mass. Naturally I have no idea what that feels like because I'm strong as fuck so I had to use heartbreak and loneliness as a metaphor to convey the pain of being catabolic.

lyrics

My body’s language is stifled by
The soaring notes of a castrati’s pride
There’s longing hidden somewhere
But I don’t know how to unlock it
And I can’t keep my composure
When I move like a spinster, dance like a soldier
So now the only thing I do when we speak
Is hope you that can’t tell how much I want you to like me

I wonder how well
You read beneath my surface
There is so much weight I’m carrying
That serves no real purpose
It’s all organs sealed away in jars
Formaldehyde soaking into scars
I wish I could offer something simple instead
Because I’m not sure how many times I can make the attempt

Two lost souls sitting by the docks
One’s locked in his head completely lost
I want to reach out across the sea
Throw away these memories
They aren’t me
Just dead weight in my chest that you don’t need

I’ve been hiding all these agonies that mapped out my existance
But everything ends up the same I don’t know why I resist it
Couldn’t tell what you noticed, couldn’t phone it in, couldn’t cancel you might not invite me again
You’ve gotta put myself at stake to make a friend
But if you still want to get to know me I’ll do my best

Two ships pass each other in the night
I wonder how far you were on the other side
I want to reach out across the sea
Throw away this longing
It’s not me
Not me

I don’t want to run and hide when it rains
I wish I could believe this will work for a goddamn change
I want to break out
To break free
From everything that my heart still thinks it needs
It’s just dead weight in my chest that you don’t need

credits

from Past The Walls Of Memory, released July 9, 2017

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