On the Breakwater

The floodlights across the docks are switching on
And the breeze that blows in from the pacific is going strong
The city lights are far away I can turn and the worlds gone
I'm caught in a strange current I'm walking until dawn
My watch has read 2am for five days
Hasn’t made a fucking difference if I'm asleep or awake
I’m caught in a glass bowl I’m struggling to escape
So I pace these empty hours like I might actually find the way

I feel my shoulders bend beneath the cloudless sky’s weight
As I step shuffling forward dragged by tendons in my legs
There’s fatigue I can’t get rid of on the cusp of dream’s haze
And the self I’m holding onto slowly starts to drift away
It’s the silent screaming halogens burning in traffic lights
It's the alcohol fevers and purges that warm the night
It’s the new apartment glow choking stars in slow fights
It’s my restless sense struggling to set my balance right.
I’ve become fully ambivalent the scenery is all the same
Sleep on a friend’s couch though at home a bed’s made
Completely fucking empty nothing running through my veins
Except the embers in my head that used to burn at full flame
I’m the self effacer, not sure where to draw the line
Smothered by the flow of the city's lives over mine
Always fucking anxious not sure how to pass the time
As the universe collapses on the base of my spine

So I walk
Pulled by the empty space beneath my chest I feel a tug with every step
But the distance never closes, don’t know where I’m going
Still so far from home
And I could fall into the sky if I don’t hold on to the pain and desperation
Set me moving through the night

The shallow sleep leaves bruises on my eyes
They're the long-forgotten product of my ever-fickle mind
I went to diagnose and there was nothing there to find
Just the shame that’s always chased me when I know I’ve told a lie
The passing cars tear at the wind down the road
And disappear into the concrete teeth as they unfold
The streetlights mark the way like yellow stepping stones
And they carve a tunnel through the night deep into the unknown



The sidewalks lead to corners. The doors are always closed.
I’ve been through every pocket hidden from the city’s glow
Some are far away and you can sit and drink alone
But the rest are buried beneath walls where sound and liquor flow
The ocean calls me to it when there’s nowhere left to be
It’s the closest place to nowhere so it sets part of me free
Black waves roll on forever about as far as I can see
But I’m still tethered to myself so this is not a place for me

And I walk