Burdensome

I know I show too much I say what you don’t want to hear
I’m frantic and I’m desperate I can’t help but make that clear
I flunk out when I test myself, it damages my fucking health
You’d think if I was faking maybe one day I just might get well
Never going to happen, shame dogs my every action
I get lost and then I spin my wheels with no traction
I’m off the deep end and I’m bailing in dramatic fashion
Got no damn excuse I don’t know why you’re even asking
Wish I’d promise, know you’d want to hear that I’m ok
I waste everyone's time, only calling to complain
I want to mean something but all I do is share my pain
I know you’ve got my back and man it kills me that I haven’t changed
I’m still hardly eating, not sleeping, just cutting losses
Life is chaotic, it’s packed away in cardboard boxes
I’m moving every month, three houses two jobs
Just kind of awkwardly surviving going with the odds

You’ve got to rid yourself of everything burdensome
I know you’ve heard it all a hundred times
Close the curtains

I’m full of stale apologies
All my friends who place their faith in me are hearing about me
Free-falling awkwardly
I’m relapsing on that same pain constantly
So there’s no fucking reason that they should even be bothering
Don’t know what I’m even worth
Must have had something to offer but it’s gone and I’ve slowly gotten worse
One by one they’ll finally see that they should throw me to the curb
But I’d keep trying forever if I’d just once keep my word
Feel like a disappointment, should have done more
Looks like I’m falling in the traps I’ve often seen before
I don’t respect myself. I don’t believe I’ve tried
I don’t succeed or fail, just live until I die
Can't make it on my own
There’s nowhere that I fit
Wish I could pay you back
Got nothing left to give
What’s broken can’t be fixed
I’ll never give my word
Because I’ll never keep it and promising just makes it all worse
It’s not a secret how I’m doing man, I’m crashing hard
Ain’t even touched the damn piano, barely ever write at all
It’s not a fucking drama we ain’t watching how the mighty fall
Just a pathetic bastard languish like he should have all along
There’s lots of things I would have done but had to call them off
I’ll make a record once I graduate that’s a long shot
I’ll be happy once I’m done, that’s a nice thought
I’m hoping that I get there at this point it’s just too close to call
Do you think if I didn’t have these moods you’d see me fly?
Like everyone expected spread my wings and take the sky?
I’m wasting all your efforts, I’m failing all my trials
Because I’m letting down the people who only want to see me smile
If there was anything I wanted to repair myself
I’ve already fucking got it so what else could even help?
I had friends when alone, I was picked up when I fell
It should have made a difference but I really just can’t tell